it’s compliKATEd

i’ve developed two new vices in the last few months: serialized gay television [read: the L Word] and the liberal radio [read: NPR and WNYC].

but this is no casual tuning into showtime or listening to WBRU on the way to pick up groceries, these have turned into borderline part time jobs.

almost every night, i come home, sit down on the couch, with a beer and my dinner and proceed to watch upwards of 4-5 hours of lesbian drama.  it’s gotten so bad that when one of the show’s main characters (dana) died, i tweeted about it on my twitter account [exact text: ”oh my godddddddddd nooooooooooooooooo dana is dead!“] causing my boyfriend to frantically call me asking if my real-life friend dana had died.

i have a real-life friend name dana? oh yeah! i do! i ran a clarification.

almost every morning, my computer gently wakes me up to the soothing sounds of the morning edition on  WNYC National Public Radio. i listen to it as i get dressed, and over the weeks have gotten attached, nay, dependent on hearing soterios johnson (the morning edition lead reporter) as i start my day. who was this man with the spry, trusting voice? where did his mix of youthful tones and wizened baritone develop? what kind of name is soterios johnson?

now, i have a principle of NEVER google image searching radio announcers, ever since i fell in love with garrison keillor on prairie home companion.

“don’t do it,” my friends said.  “absolutely do not google garrison keillor. we’re warning you.”

“but he’s married!” i said. “someone loves him! how bad could he really be?”

really. really. really bad.

mi amore, garrison keillor turned out to be a thin haired, pug nosed, little troll/BOCE of a man.  after that, every time i listened to his tales from lake wobegon, all i could imagine was the words drooling out of his slack jawed mouth.

but i broke my rule for soterios.

and it didn’t turn out all that bad. he’s old[er than me], but not awful looking!

but while my crush on soterios blossoms, my deep uncompromising hatred of L word character jennifer schechter threatens to cloud over the blue sky of my heart and create an inhospitable environment for new love to grow.

sure, she looks harmless enough. but really jenny is an evil evil vagina wig who kills puppies (for real!) and writes bitter nasty hetero-hating novels about her lez friends and is a terrible terrible self absorbed self pitying drama queen who should die die die die.

hmmmm.

i just wrote a hate-blog post about a fictional character, maybe i should take the newspaper off the walls and get out more.

___

confidential to all the commenters on my fiona shaw post: i don’t think fiona shaw is ugly. i just think she’s uglier than saffron burrows. please stop telling me what an awful, shallow person i am.

oh, and ignore the above post about garrison keillor.